A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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