That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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