Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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