Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sober January is a disaster.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
