I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
