i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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