it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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