Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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