Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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