the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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