I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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