someone threw a dead crab at me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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