the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
