Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize