You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
