oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
