but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
