went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
