OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
