i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
