I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
