Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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