if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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