I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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