Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
