i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
