bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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