MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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