I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
