can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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