and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
