People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
