I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
