would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
