Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
