Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
