Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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