anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
jump out the window naked night went bad
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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