shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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