I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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