my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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