Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
