there's paper in my vomit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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