dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
