I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just forgot I was standing up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
