I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
