She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
