I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
