I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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