And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
