Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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