Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
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Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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