yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
