I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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