I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need moral support for this bender
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
