Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
