Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
