I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
