He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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