Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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