I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
