i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize