We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
