Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
