i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
