I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize