Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
