Me. At least after what I've been through.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
